


An Introduction To Weirdness

by TheMatraPseudoBiblica



Series: Random Works of Weirdness [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Chess, First Time, Fraternization, Legends, Lore - Freeform, Nothing particularly sexy, Palpatine - Freeform, Superstitions, Thrawn, folk-tales, hermaphrodite, just fluff, new, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 02:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2755373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMatraPseudoBiblica/pseuds/TheMatraPseudoBiblica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thrawn/Palpatine No one else has done this before. At least not that I can find.</p><p>Warning: Weirdness.</p><p>By the By: Chiss are hermaphrodites.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Darth Sidious looked over at the Chiss sitting on his sofa. "So, you were exiled and now you want to know if I have any use for you."

Thrawn nodded. 

"First, a question: How did you find me?"

"Should it be hard to find the most famous man in the Republic? I didn't know that politicians were so inaccessible."

Sidious laughed. "All right, you get that one. How did you find the secret identity of the mild-mannered Chancellor?"

"Once I saw a holo-picture I knew. You have a very distinctive face and one obvious marking: That cleft. Was I correct in my assumption that not many humans have them?"

Sidious smirked. "Yes. Are they more common in Chiss?"

"No, I do not believe so. But when one does appear, it is considered fortunate."

Sidious sat back. "Why?"

A flirty smile crossed Thrawn's face. "It is a sign of increased fertility."

"Oh, is it?" Sidious's grin widened. "Tell me, do you play chess?"

"No, but I can learn."


	2. My Match

Palpatine hauled out his best moves and strategies. Thrawn absorbed them and threw them back at him.

It took twenty games for Thrawn to start winning and it took twenty more for him to start winning so quickly that Palpatine eventually conceded that he was a quick-learner.

"Impressive. I don't often meet my match. But then again, I have been tutoring you." Palpatine grinned.

"A shame. Did you ever play competitively?" Thrawn was playing with a pair of elegant gloves. A gift.

"Yes, when I was young. I became an interstellar champion."

"Why did you stop?" Thrawn admired the embroidery on her left hand.

"I became bored. There weren't any challenges. I began teaching, but found that most of my students were boring as well."

"So, living life searching for something to occupy you." Thrawn folded the gloves in their box and put her feet up. "Seems boring."

"Who said I had to search? Interesting things have a habit of finding me." He winked.

Thrawn straightened in one fluid movement. "Oh, really? What other interesting things found you?"

"Come, I'll show you."


	3. Raiding My Video Collection

Palpatine waved one hand and a secret panel opened. "Convergence is riddled with secret passages."

Thrawn peered into the darkness and wrinkled her nose. "What is that smell?"

"Old murders. House Palpatine has our share of shady scandals." Palpatine laughed at the look on her face. "It's mildew, Thrawn."

"Oh," Thrawn stepped in. "Is there a light switch?"

"I don't need one." Palpatine moved forward confidently and the passage glided closed. The darkness that closed in was total. Thrawn's tension increased as did her curiosity and arousal raised its head to sniff the air.

"Not in a mildewed tunnel." he thought to himself. 

"Come, take my hand. There are no traps to stumble on." He took a soft hand in his callused one and led on.

"This reminds me of a scene from a favorite musical," he commented to fill the space.

"The Phantom of the Opera?"

"Yes, have you seen it?" Palpatine looked back out of habit.

"What do you think I do all day when you're out?"

"Hmm, so you've been raiding my video collection. That explains why Death Comes to the Archbishop was loose in its case." He smirked. "What did you think?"

"It wasn't fair to the Phantom. He took Christine under his wing for so long and then a Viscount who would never had looked her way without the Phantom's tutelage stole her away. It didn't excuse him, but I still feel sorry for him."

"I always felt the same way." Palpatine opened a door with another gesture and led Thrawn out into his secret room.


	4. Belled Clothes

The secret room was more than a thousand feet below the surface of the lake. Thrawn gazed around in wonder at the expanse of glass above her head. "This is amazing! How deep are we?"

"One thousand, three hundred and twelve feet below the surface." Palpatine smiled at her. "I spend a great deal of my time here among my treasures. Anything that kept my fancy."

Thrawn touched a ceremonial weapon. It was a katana with a broken blade. Before it was a badly damaged helmet. "What is this?"

"The remains of a Mandolorian I once respected. We fought, and I won. That dent was my fist. I encouraged the marks to scar." He held up his left hand to show the ovals on each knuckle.

"How very... interesting."

"Oh, say what you feel!" Palpatine summoned a chaise lounge from the back of the room. "You think it's barbaric!"

Thrawn stepped up and laid down on the lounge. "Well, perhaps a little crude."

"Hmm. When I marry you, I'm going to have all your clothes sewn with bells. That way I'll always know where you are. Just like Ramses of the third dynasty." Palpatine gestured to a cup that gave off an evil glow. The lounge floated easily beside him.

"If I recall your history books correctly, Ramses only did that for his least favorite wife of eighteen. Such a cruel comparison. Aside from that, who spoke of marriage?" Thrawn rolled to her front and luxuriated in the softness of the fur-covered lounge. "Not that it hasn't been in my mind upon occasion."

"I did. Maybe at a later date. When the hills are covered in bluebells and the birds sing heartily in the trees..."


	5. The Bluebells Came, but You Were Not There

They had delayed.

Thrawn sat on a bench and looked at the bluebells. They had delayed and it was all over now.

It was too late.

Soon. It was to have been soon. Always soon and never coming.

Too late.

Thrawn had a wedding bouquet in hand. She had woven it herself out of bluebells culled from acres of land. The stems were braided and woven with white lace and red ribbon. She was heading to a grave in a white cloak. A cloak he had given her, incidentally.

The grave did not contain a body. There had been no body to bury.

It was a cold, black marble monument. Not fitting. The man had been warmer than this.

They had slept in the same bed whenever Thrawn was near him. Never the sort of physical intimacy she desired for their marriage. Just cuddling. Totally innocent of innuendo.

He had always been warmer than seemed appropriate.

He had seen her nude, but nothing had come of it. He had wrapped her in a fur blanket and advised her to find some clothes to put on before she froze to death.

It hadn't been that cold.

The rain came down and greyed her mood even further. Beings retreated from the square and Thrawn was alone.

The statue of Palpatine was larger than life. It sat peacefully on a throne. Thrawn jumped up and curled in the over-size lap. He had held her this way many times. Relaxing in a favored armchair after a hard day...

She picked the bluebell's heads off and scattered them about the statue's feet. She took off her cloak and draped it clumsily about his shoulders just barely making it stay in place with the ties. She had other gifts from him. This one might tell someone in this mad world that someone had cared.

The Rebels were her charges now. She knew that they had celebrated his death. They had never given a thought to any woman who might be grieving his loss.

Let them celebrate. They wouldn't for long.

Thrawn hardened his features and swung down off the Emperor's lap. He bowed respectfully and trotted off. He had work to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone has that pairing that they ship without rhyme or reason.
> 
> Prepare for some serious weirdness.
> 
> As in Serious Weirdness.
> 
> If you are in any way sensitive, don't read this.


End file.
